I really wish I could blog today, but I have nothing. In some way, I shouldn’t even be writing right now. I felt like I needed to write but after a few tries at various topics, I just couldn’t form anything. My days are consistently sleepy and motionless. I go to class, sleep, and do hours of homework. I have not worked out much- in part because I am sick and I am tired and school means more to me.
I ask myself 138439 times a day, “what am I doing in life?” I am enrolled in higher level teaching classes, and I begin classroom field experience next month. In the legitimate way, I am on the right path in my teaching career. That is what I am going to do in 3 years when I graduate. I am doing so much preparation to begin teaching right after I finish school.
Go to school, finish school, begin teaching.
That is the big plan. So why am I asking this big question to myself? Do not get me wrong, I am ecstatic to begin in real classrooms with children. I wanted to become a teacher in the first place for a reason: I want to make an impact on children in their education, dispositions and ethics. How exciting is it that I can have the power to do that? Teaching is among the middle class income levels- but teaching is not about the money. Teaching is about making the difference.
I am probably in the mist of some minor existential meltdown and come next month all of this will mean nothing.
Anyways, I am eighteen years old. I have YEARS ahead of me, and I cannot plan for what will happen in those. Who knows, maybe I will end up traveling the world or teaching English in a different country. If one thing is for sure, I know that you cannot predict the future. Countless opportunities will cross my path, and these are all opportunities that I cannot plan for. These opportunities will be spur-of-the moment. They will change my life when they do come. I will also fail many times in my life. The big thing to remember when that happens is when one door closes, another door will open.
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
― Gilda Radner
“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
― Tony Schwartz
Thank you all. Feel free to leave a note.