What Am I Doing With My Life

Hello All,

I really wish I could blog today, but I have nothing. In some way, I shouldn’t even be writing right now. I felt like I needed to write but after a few tries at various topics, I just couldn’t form anything. My days are consistently sleepy and motionless. I go to class, sleep, and do hours of homework. I have not worked out much- in part because I am sick and I am tired and school means more to me.

I ask myself 138439 times a day, “what am I doing in life?” I am enrolled in higher level teaching classes, and I begin classroom field experience next month. In the legitimate way, I am on the right path in my teaching career. That is what I am going to do in 3 years when I graduate. I am doing so much preparation to begin teaching right after I finish school.

Go to school, finish school, begin teaching. 

That is the big plan. So why am I asking this big question to myself? Do not get me wrong, I am ecstatic to begin in real classrooms with children. I wanted to become a teacher in the first place for a reason: I want to make an impact on children in their education, dispositions and ethics. How exciting is it that I can have the power to do that? Teaching is among the middle class income levels- but teaching is not about the money. Teaching is about making the difference.

I am probably in the mist of some minor existential meltdown and come next month all of this will mean nothing.

Anyways, I am eighteen years old. I have YEARS ahead of me, and I cannot plan for what will happen in those. Who knows, maybe I will end up traveling the world or teaching English in a different country. If one thing is for sure, I know that you cannot predict the future. Countless opportunities will cross my path, and these are all opportunities that I cannot plan for. These opportunities will be spur-of-the moment. They will change my life when they do come. I will also fail many times in my life. The big thing to remember when that happens is when one door closes, another door will open.

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“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
Gilda Radner

“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”
Tony Schwartz

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Thank you all. Feel free to leave a note.

Love, Rosie.

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