Hello all you beautiful people,
I am going to talk about progress. The first thing I am going to say about it is sometimes it is impossible to think you can get better when you are not doing well. In the lowest spots, progress seems completely unreachable. When you are in a bad spot in life, believe me, I know it seems impossible to ever get better. You feel like shit every single day and you see no sunlight. For me I definitely did not think it was going to get better (but, it does).
The month before I moved to college was one of the worst months. I was lonely, depressed and unmotivated. I really did nothing with my life. I thought a successful day was when I left the house for one reason or another. I laid on the couch all day, every day. I did not have friends, a job, or really any routine. I felt like I was just existing. My family would be out of the house all day, so I really would not talk to anyone until later in the day. It seemed impossible that life was ever going to get better. I felt truly worthless to the world. I would mope around all day trying to fill some kind of void that would make me feel better. My life that month was really just trying to get through the day.
Here I am today: content, satisfied, happy, filled, hopeful. College has opened doors for me that two months ago I had no way of seeing. I am doing really well, you guys. I have found my best friend here and the best part, we went to high school together. We did not talk much then, but here we are today. I love her, and I never thought I would have someone like her in my life, ever. I also have a web of friends here at school that are amazing and beautiful and unique and ones I am incredibly grateful for. I am excited to attend two National Leadership conferences this year. Leadership was never my forte in high school, but I am in multiple leadership positions here and I could not be more proud of myself. I put myself out there, applied, and was accepted. That is something I never would have seen myself doing, but I did. And it’s made me such a better person. Today I was offered a coaching interview at Afton Alps and that is something I have always wanted to do. After racing for so many years I decided to discontinue my racing career in college. I am super excited to coach young kids to race, just as someone did for me so many years ago. Although school is challenging, I am on top of it. The teaching classes I am in have just broadened my view on teaching and has made me even more excited for my future.
And do not get me wrong, I still have really bad days. Some days I have no motivation to sit down and study, or eat, or socialize. But those days have become less frequent and have become less overwhelming. I can now handle those days.
I cannot express enough just how content everything is for me. Each day just seems good.
One thing that I have been not taking care of as much as I did at home is my mental health. At home I would spend everyday bettering myself. I did certain things because I thought it would improve my mental health. Not so much at college. But here is the thing: even though I am not spending every minute worrying about my mental health, I am spending every minute living. I think by not living for my mental stability has actually improved it. I see every day with endless opportunities to grow, and that is something I did not see before.
Sit down with yourself and self reflect. Reflect on everything in your life. For me, I do this by writing to God. I reflect on the good, the bad, I thank him and I pray in hope for others. If you do not self reflect you will lose yourself. We all reflect differently. But, trust me. Take a couple minutes whenever you can.
Becoming content with myself did not happen over night. I did not take special steps to get here, either. I cannot look back and see what I did and didn’t do. It has just gotten better. My universes have aligned. It just happens. I tell everyone who is struggling that one day it is just going to get better. And it does. Look at me.
Progress happens. I was at my lowest point in years two months ago. Today, I am better than ever. I am better than I was when I spent every day trying to fix myself. I am better than ever today because life just works like that. Every opportunity has transformed my life. Those opportunities are nothing I planned for. They came and I took them. I started to live and openly love all that life can be. I mellowed out. When people say “just do you,” that is what I did.
Understanding your limits is one of the hardest things to do. I know I cannot have every thing on my plate. I have tried that and it just ended up with me burning out. Find YOUR balance. It took me years of failing and failing again to be here today, with the perfect balance of everything in my life.
So, in the deepest and darkest abyss you may find yourself in, please remember that one day it will get so much better. It will seem completely impossible. Live through your darkest times. Hard times in life are inevitable.
With every bad, there comes a good. There will come good.
Send a note my way if you are feeling so.
I love you all,