“Anger is a strange emotion. It seems redundant to me. I told someone once that I don’t get mad and that they will never see me angry. When my girlfriend visited, it came up, and even she said that she has never seen me legitimately angry. In the past, anger has gotten me somewhere between nowhere and worse off. Anger causes irrational thinking, and sometimes you act off that thinking. It’s pointless. When bad things happen, I often rationalize the situation. When I talked to Sam, I thought about the time I was robbed for $400 dollars, a block from her home. Sure, I could think about how I should have put up a fight, or how I should have known from the beginning that I was walking into a set up, but instead, I just left $400 poorer. I walked into her house and said I was robbed. I sat there in rage and got myself worked up, but why? I did not achieve anything by doing that. Anger leads to regret and self doubt, which leads to depression. There is no point. I am still alive. I am still with my best friends, I am still happy with my life and where I am at the moment. Anger is strange. I think about it a lot; I think about many things all day long. I watched “Goodwill Hunting” with Matt the other day and I cried, I don’t know how many times. It brought up so much emotion out of me and made me think so much. I’ve realized lately, that I want to do something that bring emotions out of people, that they did not know they could feel. I would love to make just one short film, one poem, one story that makes people feel something and makes them think about themselves. I respect movies and tv shows that can do this to me so much. It’s important to think and feel. It reassures you that you have feelings and a common sense. I want to go to sleep at night thinking about the positive I have done instead of the things I have fucked up or failed to do. this is just one of the views I have on life. Maybe, I will write about another another soon. It’s just that when I feel something, it makes me feel normal. I feel an understanding of what I am watching or reading, and that whoever created it has evoked an emotion from me from a story that they created for a purpose. I am proud of Noah for doing this. I am proud of Sam for convincing me that love is real and that commitment is something to take seriously and that a single person can make me feel so many emotions. Emotions are crazy. When you think about it, emotions are what make life worth living. On that note, depression is something that affects many people. Depression is the doubt of the brain. It is a bully. It can make you feel worthless, alone and useless. But, what many don’t realize, is that without low points, there are no high points. Depression had some a great thing for me. Instead of crying myself to sleep from depression, I have cried myself to sleep with happiness. Depression makes me feel worthless and alone, but once I am with Sam, or SixFiveOne, or my tribe or family or friends, I am able to laugh, reminisce, feel accepted and feel LOVED. The lows make the highs 10x better, and worth every second of that God-awful depression. No matter how much you think you life is worthless, or going no were, remember that you just a teen. You are young. Life IS going to be hard, bit it’s the friends you have, or what you like doing, that will fill you with ecstasy, and make you laugh, and give you hope. I could write a fucking novel on this shit if I wanted to, but I can’t teach you nearly as much as you can teach yourself. All of it is to be conscious and brush things off you shoulder. And, if you only take one thing away form this, it’s that YOU CAN HAVE AMAZING HIGHS WITHOUT CRIPPLING LOWS. Life is a thing you take one day at a time. Find a group. Work to strengthen relationships, and keep a strong mindset. As dumb as it sounds, I love that phrase. “It’s the fucking way she goes.” I love it because whenever something bad happens, I say it in my head and remind myself that the world is fucked, but eventually things will be okay and it’s not wroth getting pissed or sad or angry or bitter. Things happen. Lots of events happen everyday. Remember that you will find something that completes you and makes you exponentially happy and that without lows, y there are no highs. No matter what people say about you, they will NEVER know what you think, what you do, what your morals are, what your goals are, and what your intentions are. No matter what people say, it has no effect on what you do. Words are nothing. Actions are what matter. I am no fucking role model. I have no motivation. I procrastinate. I don’t take school as serious as I should, but I know that one day I will find my calling. I will impact others lives and I will do something with my life. Take this advice from someone who hasn’t succeeded yet in life, who hasn’t found motivation, but says “that’s the fucking way she goes” and lives my life until it’s worth it. No one is perfect, I sure as hell am not. But, I have introspected myself and learned from it. I have lived and learned from life for 19 years, and the only thing I know is that it will only get better and bigger. Knowledge is only accumulating. I am done writing.”
Joe is one of my friends here on campus at River Falls. He wrote this in a journal we have between our friend group. I found it, and thought it was the most beautiful and real piece of writing. I wanted to share this all with you, because what he said is something I wish I could be able to say. I really hope you read though it and took something away from it. Those are some real words. I needed these words and thought maybe, you guys would too.
Rosie – Oh, by the way, Joe would like to know your thoughts on this- so leave me a message and I will get it to him, or contact him in the hyperlink. Thank you.