You taught me how to fix myself

You are the one standing by my side, peacefully pushing me to fix myself. You understand that true love is not you fixing me, but being with you, I can learn to make myself whole. You do not make me whole. You teach me how to make myself whole.  I think that is the most beautiful thing about you. You do not temporarily fix me. You enable me to fix myself to last a lifetime, whether you are with me for it or not.

You are with me on the bad days, and you are with me on the good days.

I have never written for a lover. The saddest part about love is that one day, these may just become words with no meaning. The hopeful thing about love is that maybe these words will carry with us for years, and their meaning will only grow fonder to the meaning behind our relationship.

Set aside your fears behind love. Love is not a game that two people play to see who can destroy who first. Love is a building bond, one where two people work together to encourage individual growth and form a relationship filled with so much love and passion it feels like a drug that’s never been made, and it’s addicting.

I am not your first lover and you are not mine. I think both of our pasts haunt our futures and maybe that is why this love has been a hell of a ride. All I can say with this is, she is not me and you are not him. Move on from the ideology behind what a relationship ‘should’ be, and move into the idea that we, you and me, are building our own story.

I am sorry for the hardship I put us through, and I forgive you for your part in this ride, too. We both have made reckless, un-thoughtful decisions that turned into mistakes. Neither of us really know exactly how to work our parts in this relationship, but with time on our side, we will soon come to know. I think we met at a weird time. Not the wrong time- I do not believe in ‘wrong’ times. Every time is the right time for some reason, but I do think we met at a weird time. My life is completely different than yours. Not in an easy sense, either. We are polar opposites when it comes to our current life paths. You are off doing big, empowering things that most 20 year old’s would never imagine of completing. Me, I am a 19 year old struggling college student who is not really sure how to tame a wild boy like you.

But at the end of the day, it’s about who your heart comes back to. I knew we were right for each other when weeks had gone by since the last time we felt each others warm embrace, but I still thought about you every day. I thought about you over my morning coffee, and at 3 pm when homework was melting my brain. I thought about you when the alcohol was pumping though my body faster than the way the rain falls from the sky and I was lying in bed wondering why the alcohol was accompanying me and not you.

I feel whole again, and I feel like I can only keep getting better. Maybe it’s time, or maybe it’s the beautiful way you say my name. I do not know for sure, but it feels right.




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