I used to say “I don’t have any hobbies or talents. I am not good or passionate about anything.” To me, this was true. I honestly felt like I had nothing to do. I saw people do stuff that they did not have to do, but did it because they enjoyed it. I had nothing I specially did because I just enjoyed it. I felt like a complete dud.
“I have tried my hardest to develop the talent and style that all these women seem to have. But most of my efforts left me feeling defeated at my lack of ability. I realized that the problem wasn’t that I didn’t have skills and gifts. The problem was that I was trying to be someone I wasn’t created to be. Instead of beating myself up over what I can’t do, I’m learning to appreciate and focus on the areas where I have natural abilities. And I have found much joy in being who God has created me to be, nor in trying to be someone else.”
I saw people draw or travel or exercise or whatever floated their hobby boats. They go to church or volunteer or model or enjoy their jobs. I had nothing. I watched netflix, slept and did homework. I was genuinely not interested in anything.
I thought that if I could do things that other people were doing than maybe I would like something, too.
Eventually I realized that I was doing things that were not made for me. I was not made to do those things that made other people happy. I had to find something that made me happy because it made ME happy. It’s not that I didn’t have hobbies or a special skill. It was that I was not sure what I was made to do.
Here I am today, me, with hobbies and skills that made me happy for me. These things that I am good at may not be as grand and elaborate as I had maybe wished they would have been, but I am doing what I have a natural itch for. I am doing what I am absolutely made to do.
Back when I felt like I was nothing, I had no idea this is the person I would have eventually became. I never would have guessed writing would be a hobby that someday will be my whole life. I never would have guessed that saving the environment would become so important to me. I never would have guessed that oil pastel drawing, as bad as I am at it, is something I love to do.
God, whoever your God is, created you specially like nothing else. He, or she, gave you power and abilities that are completely different than the person sitting next to you. Do not worry if you are not sure what those are yet in your life. If you are unsure, be patient rather than be someone you are not. Trying to love something that was not made for you to love is like walking on water-success is impossible.
Love yourself for every inch of being you are. Do not tax your precious time on this Earth developing hobbies that your abilities within yourself were not made for.
Happy Holidays to all.
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